Okay so i’m officially writing this on a bunch of cocktail napkins but hey even the greatest literary minds on Olympus have to start somewhere, not that I’ve been there or anything although i was once in this lounge called "The Olympus room at a club….the togas look kid of stupid but dam good chicken wings…I’m off track let me start from the beginning of my epic tail.
Hello there to whoever is reading my chronicle. My name is Eric House Dapopopolis. Just call me Erick or House that last name gets a little complicated. Anyway I’m the greatest Demi God you never heard of. Don’t worry you will, it’s just a matter of time. So it all started where dreams and mob movies go…Las Vegas Nevada. I was born there and only had the vaguest memory of my mother. Although she looked like the ladies you see smiling at you on the Slot machines. Shiny and surrounded by golden light. Well any who she was gone in what felt like no time at all and it was me and my Dad working the strip. He was what you would call a big dreamer so he had it in his head that he would be the next great magical act like the guys with the tigers and big hair…you know who I’m talking about. Moving on, so he became a magician, though he didn’t quite make the big leagues we got by okay. I grew up being the kid in the room from time to time called up to help with a trick or I’d hang in back talking to the showgirls. Life was good to make that short. .
ASPECT: Luck Be a lady
Moving on so I’m about 10 and a genuine card shark and non practicing professional gambler. My dad is doing all right and life seems solid, until…que the Ba Bu Baaa music. I was with my dad and he got into a fight with a biker. My dad wasn’t the biggest guy in the world but he could toss a punch. Well surprise surprise he was more then some normal jerk biker. He was a son of Nemesis and well he naturally didn’t like me because of who I was my dad disrespected him and his peeps. Why some marsh mellow chicks matter is still a mystery…….oh wait I just got that. Oh well you get the point bang, flash, the lightening crash and well I’m cursed by my Aunt Nemesis. As LUCK would have it (he he luck get it….screw you." ) MOM showed up, she was just as shiny as I remembered and she gave my dad enough chips to get out of town and took me to a wonderful place called Camp Halfblood. It was awesome at the time. Oh wait dam I forgot to tell you about what the curse did, so I’m a son of Tyche right, good luck right………well now its almost always followed or mucked up by bad luck. Yeah kind of a pain in the ass but I deal with it. Whatever. So listen up the story is now no longer boring because I’m getting to…..THE TITAN WAR….yeah kind of a big deal with demigods, Gods, and Titan’s it was nasty but a lot of you were probably asleep so don’t worry oh except for this one guy who I tripped over while heading to defend a bridge…my bad. So I’m the only recognized son of the lesser known gods, kind of rough but I chose the Gods over the Titan’s my mother told me the odds were better and I figured that was good enough. So badda bing badda boom im on a bridge and with maybe 3 Aphrodite kids and the the brothers from the Hermes Cabin, not what I’d call the Marines but we did the best we could. It was quiet most of the day and then a small band of ugly ass monsters were making their way to us. Well we did what we were trained for…..well some of us. We fought like Hades and then some. It got ugly we lost one of the Aphrodite campers and one of the Stoll brothers was injured. I did what i could to cover the retreat and then I locked eyes with this snake thing that may or may not have been a girl. Well I was out of options cut up, sore, bruised and looking at certain death so I did something stupid. I flung my sword at the bitch. IT CONNECTED BOOYAH! Not only that but due to the shock she still flung the spear but she hit the advancing archer in front of her which now impaled fell backwards releasing the arrow which went wide nailed the enemy demigod in the chest and his ax flew way up in the air coming right down in the face of the last monster. I looked to Olympus and shouted. “I AM INVINCIBLE!” I turned around tripped over a broken spear and hit my head on a car. I woke up a few days later and the Aphrodite girl kissed me. Thanks Mom
ASPECT: Jack of All trades master of none
THE STORY: XXXXX
GUEST STARRING: CASSIOPEIA AGGRIPINA & TAURIEL ELESSIDIL
About 3 weeks or so later I’m out to see some friends at the Empire state building. (By the way home to Olympus but you’ll never get there without an invitation so let it go.) I’m about to say hello to some friends and its all pretty simple but then my spider senses were tingling. I look to the side and making their way across the street with anger in their eye…yeah I said eye. I wasn’t making a spelling error It was pack of Cyclopses….Cyclopsees…Cycloptie…. okay grammar Nazi’s of the world can cram it up their ass they were ugly one eyed monsters and we had to split up to draw their attention away from the bystanders. I’m running down an alley way and the biggest bastard follows me I break out the sword he breaks out the big frying pan fists of his and we commence a rumble. I’m doing okay and then guess what happens….come on guess…Okay PRETTY HOT GIRL shows up, amazing she’s their in a flash of tight shorts and busty…never mind she shows up and helps me and then I run to help her finish off the beast side by side, now she’ll see my prowess with the blade my skill, my….yeah I knocked her out by mistake. FUCK Nemesis, so I break into a run and this thing is cut up bad but still following me. Guess who also shows up, yeah the other Cyclops guess it didn’t go well for one of my friends. Well I cap one and the other takes the moment to pin me down and is about to knock my head off when an arrow sprouts from his arm. He shrieks in pain and drops the club about an inch from my head and I took that stolen moment to cut its throat When I’m good I’m great. So I turn around to see who saved me and see a pretty hot red head with pointed ears running away. Yeah pointed ears it’s odd but I’m a demigod so I don’t judge. She saved me and she had a nice ass.
ASPECT: Always be prepared
THE STORY: XXXXX
STARRING: CASSIOPEIA AGRIPPINA
I made the best I could with my curse, tried not to tempt fate to much but one day I was walking and this smoking hot girl steps out of a cab and not only is she hot but i get one of those gut feelings like she’s got something under the hood. By that I meant she had power. Well something besides a nice ass. So I offered to walk her to where she was going, well she gave me the eat shit and die look and I decided not to try a magic trick. Still I sensed something in the air and backed off far enough to follow without being seen. To what did my wondering eyes see oh nothing just a BIG ASS DEMON THINGY! Well she was probably gonna get killed so I flew in to save the day…..and tripped and fell directly into her and it all went black. I’m fairly certain I looked dam impressive while at least running. I woke up with a bump on my head and in an empty warehouse. So I decided just to go get a gyro and call it a day.
ASPECT: Sucker for a Pretty face
THE STORY: XXXXX
STARRING: ANDREA HOWE
So a few more weeks go by and I’m having a good night at a club taking these college guys for all their worth right. Total newbs at cards. Well the club is rockin the music is good the drinks are good and I’m feeling dam good…and then as if the air was sprayed WTF gas a big ass group of trolls showed up. yeah I said trolls and if you find that hard to believe then I call into all the other stuff I said about Gods, Titans, Snake bitches, Hot ass girls in shorts or hot ass red heads with pointy ears. Point being shut up and read on. So the trolls show up and take my card boys. WTF moment of the night they take me too. Why why why why why WHY dose this happen to me! Well I battle them like hell with my suitcase since the sword blade freezes in the snow and won’t come out. Well I bash the crap outta them and then like Victoria Secret magic a SUPER HOTTY shows up, with an Asian hotty to boot, and fights with her shoes and dose all this in next to nothing. Guys I’m not gonna lie the two of them were distracting as hell but I manged to get in close enough to help out and finally got the sword separated and stuck the Ugly thing in the face while pale, stacked and gorgeous in next to nothing did something that was distracting and I can’t really remember but here’s the best part. We got back with the frat boys safe and sound, I got to keep my winnings, and I GOT LAID by the hotty whose name is Andrea by the way and she digs me, she just doesn’t know it yet. So now I leave you with my final part of the tale and aspect……….The HOUSE always wins. Did I mention she was a white court vampire….yeah yeah I know I rule, but hey some guys are just lucky that way.
ASPECT: The HOUSE Always Wins
GUEST STAR, REDUX