Andromeda’s Journal Entry 5 (Translated from Ancient Greek)
Journal Entry 5, Starts Just before Cameron’s Call
Ok all guess it is time for yet another Journey Entry, as I look at past ones this is the fifth of them. What I am about the write about is tough for me, these last few days have brought out the worst in me, I did a few things that scared the crap out of me but in the end I guess they have made me stronger as well. Let us begin, this entry starts on June 4th and ends on well guess that really does not matter.
It has been two weeks since things got hairy, I will not go into the last two weeks I already did that in my last journal entry, (reference Entry 4 if you want to know). the day of June 4th Susanna and I were planning on a woman’s day out , you know what I mean a lot of shopping a lot of pampering, hair, nails, massage and the like, just a relaxing day. Well that was kind of shot all to Hades, when just as Susanna arrived the phone rang, lo and behold its Cameron, this one phone call would change everything
To make a long story short Cameron requested we deal with the shop and her sisters. We accepted and helped her deal with the situation. this included a bomb, which completely destroyed the shops New York branch, a sojourn into the Christian Hell, a venture up to upstate New York Three Times, a Sojourn into the Mind of Garcia (who had gotten seriously mind fucked) and having to fight two different fear type demons, a Dream type demon and one Jason Voorhees all of which we did, was not easy but it was done. But this past few weeks would change and challenge me in ways I could never have guessed.
First things first, for some reason (still unknown to me, Athena the goddess of Wisdom decided to take personal interest in me and give me an offer to become her Emissary and one of the wielders of the twelve Spears, the spear I was offered was Yperaspizo. I accepted way before I really understood what it meant (still not sure I completely understand it). This was only the first of many, and the truth being probably the best.
The next thing which caused a major snowball was when the Media got wind of the fact that I took Susanna (underage) into Studio, (in retrospect stupid idea, but I was showing off for a fan and someone I enjoy being around, and one I consider a little sister.) I didn’t take it very well, and Susanna decided to disappear for a while, she did this while I was outside on the phone with Zoe, because it could end up with more than just my career on the line but some serious jail time as-well (neither of which is good.) but to make a long story short I did get good information but I also did the most stupid and immature thing I could ever do, I almost sold out my friends and companions for my own selfish reasons. I made a deal with the enemy for everything to go away (decidedly not my finest hour), I did finally come clean… but not until I started to seriously feel sorry for myself.
Me feeling sorry for myself caused me to break completely, I started to wonder if I was really worthy of anything beyond the superficial, outside of my five years at camp and then the Titan War, my whole life revolved around my personal life which pretty much amounted to partying and my career, and to be honest I loved my life the only major thing I wanted was not to be a model forever but move into acting and occasionally model, and in my mind it was the only thing I was good at, (still trying to get over the fact that there is more to me than just what is on the surface.). Well, I made the decision to give it all up; I went back to camp to talk to the one person that I felt I could trust with getting the items I am bearing back to their owners. so as I entered camp, I got there just in time for the bonfire and was making my way down, when out of the darkness Chiron (I have always wondered how he can be so quiet when he wants to be.) well, he never even let me really talk, he just laid heavily into me, basically telling me to suck it up and well become what I am meant to be, he also brought up Susanna, as he did not train me to be a supermodel, he trained me to be a hero, he also mentioned something about a Prophecy (not sure if it’s true or not but it helped) I guess he has a lot of experience dealing with difficult Demigods, I also had a strange sensation, not sure if it was real or not but out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw both Aphrodite, and Athena standing behind me the feeling was that of Encouragement. Well, after a bit of soul searching and realization I picked myself up and left. (I guess you can say I have some serious work to do.).
Well the next day when we got back together sans Susanna, well I had made the decision last night on the way home to give an apology to the group. I basically laid myself bare, I was honest, about my fears as well as the truth about myself, some truths I had never admitted to even myself, I figure they accepted the apology, I know for a fact that I have a lot of work to do for them to completely trust me again (if they ever can). Basically I got scared and did something rash, I had built a world around myself, a world where I was normal and would be able to stay this way forever, and it worked for a good three plus years, outside of a few minor incidents my world had really stayed the same, this all changed with the death of my fiancé and the ensuing lightshow afterword’s. but everything had not really crashed down until just now, as I was trying to keep that little bit of what I still had I ran and hid and was stupid… that is just a little snippet of the apology, I am not going to go completely into it here, sorry everyone it was a little too personal.
What I will do is give some extra detail on the personal apologies I made, I will start with Charles, I haven’t been the best towards him as of late, he has always been a fairly big defender of me, and I threw it into his face on more than one occasion, unwarranted most of the time. I apologized and thanked him for that (it seems like he accepted). Then I apologized to Terri, we have never gotten along from day one, it really does not help us to be at odds with each other. So I apologized directly to her, and gave her an olive branch of peace. I was honest with the fact that we see the world differently and that is part of our contention, I offered a chance for the two of us to start fresh and new, to let the past stay in the past, a clean slate as it were, Terri did not completely accept but I think it is a good start.
After the whole ordeal was complete and we got back to the flame, Cameron made us all a beautiful dinner; I called Susanna to invite her as well, but got no answer. This was the third time this happened since she left us; I was really getting very worried about her. Well during dinner, we had a visitor the Egyptian goddess Bast personally paid us a visit (apparently with the short term approval of the Gods, I got that feeling at least.) Sorry I guess I am trying not to think about the reason she came, I did not think this would be as hard to write as it is. So I guess I will just say it, Bast came personally to tell us that Susanna was found (gods I don’t want to type this) Murdered, she went on to say that the thing that decapitated her also cauterized the wound, we also found out that Susanna’s Soul never arrived for Judgment.
This seriously ticked me off to no end, and I did the only thing I new to do, the one thing I could do for Susanna and maybe just maybe I can make up for the fact that her death was my fault, I made an oath… one that was just as binding as if I did it on the River Styx. The oath as follows, “I Andromeda Spiridakos, Demigod Daughter of Aphrodite, Daughter of Jason, Emissary of Athena, Bearer of Yperaspizo and Bearer of the Amazonian Queen Diana’s Bracelets, Swears upon Zeus and the gods of Olympus Revenge against those that have removed Susana Hoffman pre-maturely from this earth.” This oath is one I plan on following to its conclusion even if it means my own death.
Ok, this is more personal, it might not be befitting of myself, but I don’t know who else to tell it to, not like I can talk to the group about this, the only other people I could probably talk to are either dead or I have pushed away, so here it is…. I am starting to wonder if I am cursed, or I curse those that get closest to me because it does feel like no matter who it is, if I get attached to them something bad happens to them not me, first it was Selena Beauregard who was more than just my senior counselor, she was the first to accept me, but beyond that she became a true older sister to me, as well as my closest friend and confidant, so what happened she died in my arms, a hero no less, but when she died a part of me did also. Years later I met my fiancé Marcus Sudolov, the one man I was able to stay completely faithful to and I feel to this day I would have been able to stay that way, but of course that was not to be where as he got murdered in front of me, I don’t know maybe if he was not at the Victoria Secret show that evening he would be alive. I really don’t know how I survived his death it was hard and it still hurts now.
Then we come to the present times within the last few months, I met Siobhan Chu, a woman that shined brighter than the sun, she brought brightness to my life, yes I know some even me would say that the relationship was unhealthy with her being the dominant one, I don’t know I guess thinking on this now it just felt right, I know a few journal entry’s before I said that she was just a fling, at this point I am no longer sure that is the case, if I had a second chance things would be different, I would be different, but unfortunately that is not to be the case because due to my failings the fact that I cannot seem to keep my legs shut and when I get scared I go back to old habits and start to sleep around, this one incident (my fault) lead to Siobhan a woman I can say this now I loved, and still love, and due to my infidelities she was able to get royally mind screwed, and now I will never have the chance to even apologize or make it up to her, and to be honest even if I had the chance I doubt it would change anything (and I am not sure it should, I broke her heart and allowed another to take advantage of that.)
Now to the most current, Susanna… a girl of 16 whom I decided to take under my wing and mold her (brought her into situations that she probably should never have been in in the first place.) I watched her go from a shy teenager into a blossoming young woman, I introduced her to her Prom date and eventual boyfriend, but in the end I betrayed her, It’s my fault she is dead, if I had not made that promised that I would take her to Studio, if I didn’t force her to choose to leave us, she would be alive today. Maybe if I had not helped her gain the confidence she needed to expand her abilities, she would be alive today. But my ego just would not allow it, she was a fan, a fan I was able to get close to, but she became more she became a friend, a younger sister. Someone that I so wanted to see grow into a beautiful young woman; I had already started to talk to my agent about helping her get into the business of modeling. But thanks to the fact that I cared enough about her to help her grow, she never will get the chance to grow and we will never see what she could have become
But my initial comment stands, maybe in my personal life I am cursed, cursed to lose those I am the closest with, those that I love the most, those that I let in.. Maybe I am not meant to be truly happy in that way, and just maybe I need to keep people at a distance and not let them in, I should just leave my relationships to the ephemeral.
But I cannot think on the past, I cannot dwell on it, But what I need to do is learn from it, and maybe that is the biggest lesson of them all that without that pain that suffering you can never be reborn or rebuilt, That without the pain I could never realize my true potential. I just hope I can in some small way make it up to all those that I have failed by becoming the best I can and go beyond myself.
The first thing I need to do is call her boyfriend also a good friend of mine and give him the bad news, I just have no idea how in hades to do this.