David lay in the corner of the overstuffed couch, his feet stretched out on the stool, with Serena’s head in his lap. The large screen TV flickered in front of them displaying a blond starlet, with an overstuffed camisole, being rescued by an over muscled some body or other.
Idly, David wondered what had caused him to leave this mindless action flick on. He couldn’t even remember the title or the names, real or character, of the stars. However, he felt to contented to even think of moving his hand the six inches required to get the remote. Besides, he might disturb Serena.
“I wonder how bad a movie the past few days would make?”
Serena’s murmur surprised him, he thought she had dozed off during the fifteen minute car chase. “Not a very good one. Even a cheap “Die Hard” rip-off like this has a more coherent plot.” David’s hand finally found the energy to move. Removing it from the back of the couch he rested it gently on Serena’s shoulder.
“On the other hand, David. Being told by your godmother to help a Greek goddess, who happens to be hiding herself as a super-model and, in another identity, as the caretaker of Five-Points, doesn’t sound too outlandish.” The sleepy tone with which she delivered this caused David to chuckle softly.
“But we have too many potential “Action Stars” to make a decent summer blockbuster,” David replied. “Who would be the main star? And losing a major supporting character, when Cameron decided to walk away. Sure it was to help the group avoid the other machines her creator had sent after her, but that wouldn’t fly in a film.”
“Though I will admit the Tablet of Homer would make a decent McGuffin, even if the average movie goers third grade knowledge of history would miss the reference.”
Serena shifted her head so she could look up at David. “But you would be the star. After all you were the one who found out about the tablet. So, how would the plot go after hiring you?”
David laid his head on the backrest, closing his eyes he marshaled his thoughts.
“Act one. The group and I are dragged into helping Calliope, the Greek goddess in question, with a problem, someone is draining her magic. This also causes her remaining magic to go haywire every now and again.”
Raising Serena’s hand David kissed it and continued. “With your help, my dear, we discover that an ancient tablet, supposedly used by Homer to compose the Illiad, was being used as a magical link. About a decade ago it had been stolen, by an immortal mobster for his private collection. Now it had been stolen again and no one was sure who now had it.”
“Using a variety of magical and mundane means we manage to trace the Tablet to an ex federal cop, supposedly dead, working out of an ex military base on an island in the Hudson River. During this time action is supplied by a couple of female terminator types trying to get Cameron back. After we defeat them, Cameron, the former soulless, killing machine and now wannabe girlfriend of V.S. decides to run overseas so as to draw her pursuers off, so as to not endanger the group.”
At this point David opens his eyes and gazes down on Serena’s face. “We also discover, after confronting said ex-cop, that he’s only alive because he’s been inhabited by a fallen angel who normally resides in an ancient coin and posses a ring that allows him to control anything that’s less powerful than god.”
David snorts. “I can’t believe I just said that sentence, it sounds like something out a ‘Bored of the Rings’ sequel. Or maybe a badly translated Japanese, computer RPG.”
“Anyway, mister coin and ring bearer wants a sword to add to his magical collection. Specifically he wants the one frozen in a tiny iceberg in an apartment in Manhattan. Naturally he wants us to do his dirty work in exchange for the ring. And of course everyone stops thinking about the Tablet, because the ring is a much more immediate threat, and we start researching this sword.”
“Act two. We discover that the sword has the power to kill the Fallen Angel, but only when in the hands of an elven princess, specifically you, love. I try to keep the others from finding out about this, not wanting you to be in danger again. But eventually they found out about you and we went to this apartment to collect it.”
“Suddenly you’re a magical amazon with a sword. So are you going to say ‘by the power of Greyskull, when you weild it?” David’s smile grew wicked. “Or are you going to start wearing a Japanese school girl outfit for me to ‘sailor moon’ over.”
Serena opened one eye and looked at him. “No Japanese Schoolgirl fantasies for you. But, if I feel generous, I’ll dig out the pirate costume I wore for Halloween in college. I still fit into it. Or mostly fit into it, which you might like better.” Her eye closed again.
“I’ll hold you to that.” David replied.
“Anyway, after some planning we arranged an ambush for mister coin and ring bearer. Unfortunately he brought along some firepower of his own, including a couple of high-powered fairies who were under his mental domination. The battle was epic. The brave hero, yours truly, risked everything to deprive the villain of the ring. But doing so he fell at the creatures feet, seemingly dead.”
“This caused the hero’s shrinking violet of a girlfriend to gain her courage and she struck a blow that killed both the villain and the demon empowering him.”
Serena’s eyes flew open and she glared at David. “Shrinking violet, huh? I think you’ll pay for that, mister. I think I can find you a dog house to sleep in.”
“Just seeing if you were paying attention. We both know you have more courage that three of me. But that is the way Hollywood would mangle the story.”
Giggling softly Serena squirmed around so she could again see the TV and continued to use David’s lap as a pillow.
David glanced at the TV as a helicopter flew over a speedboat. The, so called, actor jumped from the chopper, landing in the passenger seat of the boat. Shaking his head David started again.
“Act Three. Our heroes dispose of the ring and finally remember the tablet that is the real McGuffin. The trail of the tablet is muddied by the fact that it’s last known possessor was dead and it wasn’t in evidence. A miraculous discovery finally gives us a name of the current holder. Of course the holder has ties to half the group, including being the current lover of one of the teams token lesbians ex girlfriends. We discover she has a lair in a house in Brooklyn where she is practicing human sacrifice. The master villain also has a Nuke, just to up the danger level.”
“We make a deal with the immortal gangster. Do you remember him, I’d bet the audience would have forgotten about him, since he’s only been mentioned once, way back in act one. Using the goons, which the gangster supplies, as a distraction, we invade the rear of the fortress.”
“After a couple of Epic fights the heroes manage to break the ritual, freeing Caliope’s power, and feed the nuke to an Egyptian goddess. Who just so happens to like nuclear explosions for dinner.”
“Triumphantly, our heroes go their separate ways. Until the sequel of course.”
“So what do your think? Would even M. Night Shamalan make something that disjointed?”
The only reply was a soft snore from Serena. Smiling, David shut off the TV and lamp. There were much worse fates than spending a night as Serena’s pillow. A few seconds later he was asleep as well.